If we don’t learn how to cope with rejection in healthy ways, we become fearful of rejection, which means we fail to take any risk in life that could lead to rejection. The truth is, any risk we take could lead to rejection… but it could also lead to acceptance and joy. So in not going after something because we think we could be rejected, we are also failing to take a chance on finding love and joy.
How can we cope with rejection?
1.) Let yourself feel the sting of rejection. It does not feel good, I know. But we need to sit with uneasiness and discomfort. We need to let ourselves feel all the feelings! For me, sometimes I need to let out a good cry. Other times I need half a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. Getting together with my girlfriends for a good whine session also helps! Whatever you need to do to allow yourself to feel the discomfort of rejection – do it.
But there’s a catch –
As I mentioned in a previous blog post on restoring balance, we don’t want to spend too much time in the pain of rejection. We don’t want to let the rejection be the thing that leads to imbalance and establishing long-term unhealthy habits that can dim the light inside of us. So do the things you need to do momentarily to feel better after being rejected, but remember that at some point, you are going to have to come back to reality and work on the next two steps…
2.) Tap into your true self. Take time to reflect on who you are, all that you’ve accomplished, and how much you’ve learned. Take inventory of your accomplishments and how awesome you are. Take time for self-reflection!
You can do this in bed before you fall asleep at night; you can do this during your ride to work or to drop the kids off at school; you can do this while you’re cooking dinner. One of my favorite ways to self-reflect is to journal. I like to get all of my thoughts down on paper. I write whatever pops into my head – it could be just a word, a phrase, or an affirmation. However you go about reflecting, be sure to focus on all the positives in life, all of the things that you have to be grateful for.
It is so important to understand this: rejection is not about you. It is about the person/people who rejected you. I think that when we get rejected we tend to feel like we did something wrong, like we made a mistake, or that we failed. But that is rarely the case! Consider the needs of the person who rejected you – he/she/they have needs just like you, and they change moment to moment, day to day, even year to year. What you have to offer just might not meet the needs of that person at that particular time, and that’s okay! There could be something/someone even better who is able to accept you completely for who you are and all you have to offer… how wonderful! And this brings us to our last step…
3.) Move on. On to the next one, as Jay-Z says. I promise you, there is someone/something better waiting for you that fits into your life more perfectly than the person who rejected you. And the more open we are to seeing the great things that can happen once we do move on from rejection, the better able we are to cope with future rejections.